The Thoughts Are Sad

I figure since I havn't blogged in awhile, that today is as good a day as any. But now that I start, I begin to see how very little there is going on with me.

Tonight me caroline and liz went out for dinner. It was short and sweet, if only a little unnessicary. :)

I was supposed to get physics homework offline, but when you have a teacher that doesn't know how to use a computer, things like homework, test reviews, and updates don't happen and hardly ever end up existing. Good for us. And that's all that matters.

My mood today is not esspecially positive. I know I shouldn't be unhappy, or ungrateful. There is nothing wrong with my life; no bliff, no hurt. I just do. I hurt a lot lately. Little things that I should just simply let slide, but I can't, they stick tight to me and make my temper flare. I wish I would handle that better too, but it's easier to embrace than the sadness; the anger is. I catch myself staring at a window pane, the dark reflection catching the outlined shadow of my distant sillhoette and I stare for a long time before I realize that I have been staring at nothing all along. And then their are the friends that try to cheer me. But what they say and what they do is stupid, ignorant, immature. I love them to death, but sometimes their reflections are taxing on my spirits. Then their are the ones that hurt me. No matter how hard I try to be the steel relfector, their comments or actions or wry burns sting me with a sorrow I cannot explain. And every no from my parents and every sigh from my siblings is just another thing to toss upon the pile. It is a work in progress; this iron soldier of a will to be pleasant and find the good in everything. It is hard. Maybe I will try to do this for lent. Maybe I will pray about it and find an answer or two.
It is, as of now, the only plan I can come up with.

I think I am also tired, and slightly under the weather. But mostly I think I am sad. And sadness shows in a lot of things.

I think I also need to write. Writing always makes me happy. Contented. I have not written in awhile.
I don't really want to post this anymore, only because it's been a slight portal to my thoughts, and some people can mock with words. Actually, most people do.

And I want to make sure that people don't think I am depressed. I am not. I am just... thoughtful, and the thoughts are sad.