Yesterday in AP English class, we had an in-depth conversation about whether hell and heaven existed, which as it would happen, had no depth at all. Now, I usually remain silent during these religious conversations, even though I know I should speak up and stand my ground. But if truth be known, I really have no desire to see people judging me in their eyes. High school is high school, the truth of what people think is written on their face. Our teacher, Mrs. Van Trees, often leads these discussions with the hope that something ‘ground breaking’ will occur. But so far, only Christianity and McCain had been discussed and thrown to the dirt, where they are later spit up and stomped on in passing throughout the remainder of the year.
So, as I was saying, we discussed in basic black and white whether we were a classroom of atheists or a class room of God fearing children, as God had intended us to be. Well whoa is me, but it would appear that Christ comes after not believing in anything at all. More people raised there hands to tell me and the rest of the class that they believed they had no purpose here on earth, had nothing to live for except life itself (to its fullest, ka-ching), and that their was no such thing as an after life. They summed it up with, and I quote, “when you die, you’re gone. That’s the end of you.” Well thank you very much, Pessimist. Now it’s my turn to add a couple ‘sense’ to the jar of growing ‘goods.’ WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, would God do that to his CHILDREN?? Look at it this way, or, from an atheist’s point of view. (Please keep in mind that I am NOT an atheist, nor do I often discuss their beliefs. This is merely from my standpoint, which is hopefully altered to belief and hope.) So you live life, gain assets, birth children, watch your loved ones die away, look at yourself every day in the mirror and see a face one day older, than one year, and so on. You look in the mirror everyday, as those you love fall away and time escapes you no matter how long you curse and beg at the clock, and you tell yourself that you are approaching the end of ‘you.’ The end of what you have achieved, or think that you have achieved, and that that’s it. When you are gone if a legacy remains, it will die, or maybe it will not. That’s just something you will have to pray on, oh, wait! Correction, something you will have to hope on… yes, that sounds much better… Is this why we have people that give up love, that give up dreams, is this was gives people the reason to leave a piece of themselves behind??? I suppose that would be a damn good reason.
So then, my question to myself and more over to any other Catholics would be, why do we believe in the ‘afterlife?’ To what purpose do we convince ourselves of this good at the end, after death, decay, and deterioration, have occurred?
I know what you are thinking, or maybe I don’t, but it occurs to me everyday that the reason is because we have been told this, basically bled through the ears for the better part of our lives to believe in such a thing.
And I would like to also throw my person beliefs to the wind to be dreaded over. (and also get back to the AP English class, because this is what I said minus the page and a half explanation.)
Me: “I believe in a heaven and a hell, well mainly because of my beliefs, but also because there doesn’t seem to be a point to life without them. I believe that God has created these places so that the good may be rewarded and the bad exiled to eternal damnation.” Bam…and then ‘cricket, cricket.’ TEACHER: “Okay, Shea.”
Which makes me want to ring a neck or two, but I restrain because killing is a sin…
When you get up in the morning, you don’t look at yourself and give up half a smile and say ‘here’s to another pointless-good-for-nothing-day.’ If your anything like me (which would be anything but chipper at five a.m.) You would say something along the lines of ‘I really hope my teacher decides not to give us the test, and maybe, maybe. Hey God, would you mind postponing this one for me?’ Which I am always ashamed of afterwards. Here’s a better example: ‘Maybe today I will become friends with that new girl, and maybe I will get to make up with my other friend. Maybe I will get to help an old lady cross the street and save the day when a truck tries to run us over…’ (Well you get the point.) You look for something, something that can scream that life is not pointless. You have a test to take and a day to live through so that you can be one day closer to God, to heaven, to Jesus. That’s why you get up and try to make the best of a cold day, a sunny day, a rainy day, and then those once in awhile just plain dark days. And that’s kinda why I think that being Catholic is the shit, because who else in their right mind can wake up in the morning and think ‘Alleluia, I am one day closer to being with my eternal Father.’ … not an atheist, that’s for sure.
So the rambling aside; I can’t think of a better way then to live each day like it was a test. Not with the stress of one though, but with the corrections in red pen. If you view each day like an exam that you are always going to pass just as long as you learn something new from it each day, then I think you have achieved the impossible, or something around there. And then if you look around yourself and think, this is the test for heaven. If I make the right decisions and pray to the right and only God and put my soul and heart into doing all that I can to please God, then I deserve to hear every Sunday that there is such a thing as an afterlife. Right???... Because otherwise we fall into a pit of despair and ask ourselves ‘what’s the point?’… which then we would have to reply, if we were atheist, that there is none.
In a song that once made me laugh, I quote, “Everybody wants to go to heaven, it beats the other place there ain’t now doubt. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to go now.”, I would have to agree because I have a butt load of stuff to do to prove to God that I deserve to ‘Go to heaven.’
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