Eat Your Apples, But Don't Forget the Oranges

Today was the first day back to school after five days of being off. It was hard. Haha. Which is ironic I think, but everyone was tired and fading throughout the entire day.

Then Meredith called me about five and asked if I would want to go out for dinner with the gang, cause everyone's hw was done from about Tuesday night. So I agreed and we waited for the 'trackers' to get home from running in circles before departing in our seperate cars. Leigh drove Liz and I drove Laura, which was a switch. LOL.

Sara, Lea, Katie M., Meredith, Me, Liz, Adrienne L, and Leigh, that was the group. We went to Applebee's because it's Sara's favorite and most everyone loves their chocolate desserts. It turned out to be a good choice because it was not busy and we were loud. Meredith also had her eyes on this guy for about half the evening and was seriously considering makeing a fool of herself to approach him. It was funny and made us all ache with laughter and roll our eyes. So we dwindled on different topics, mostly track because districts are coming up and that's all anyone ever talks about. And then we moved onto college. This is where it got hard and sad.

"Sara, you have to show me Mary Washington." Me.

"It's like 30 minutes from my lake house!" Sara.

"Awesome, then we can drive down and meet there during the year." Me.

"No... my parents are selling it and moving to Florida as soon as everyone's out of the house." Sara.

"WHAT! Really!" Me.

"I will have to stay over at someones house when I come down."

"Sara, my house is always open! Never forget that!"

And then we all started about our futures and everyone got really excited, but I just coudln't. I kept looking from face to face and trying to memorize the moment. I find myself doing that a lot lately. Just pausing to soak in the memory through my eyes and then coming here to write it down. Because whether I want to admit it or not, I am the only one who sees any of this... So Adrienne began gushing about how excited she was about college and then Lea started telling us her plans to go to a University and then come back here to go to Boston College so she can see Chase, and then she wants to travel to Italy to study Archeoligy. It was awesome the way she just laid it on the table and smiled, like she had a secret, her eyes sparkling. She seemed so content. Like life had no more secrets to keep from her and she knew that. I could tell she just knew this was exactly what she wanted. Which got me to thinking... I have know idea what I want to do with my future, let alone my dreams... and that made me sad and slightly panicky. So then Liz and Leigh started on about how they were going to the same college and Liz would play field hockey and she would do track and they would share a dorm room and everything... only problem is Liz had absolutly no imput on this 'plan' of hers, which got me thinking. Obvisouly Liz doesn't hold the same dreams as Leigh. The conversation turned to Laura and she just looked at me and started panicking. I could see the stress rising in her eyes and then she put her hands to her face and just stared stricken through the webs of her fingers at me.

"I can't do it." She whispered.

"Can't do what?"

"I can't do it. I can't go and meet new people. I can't."

"Laura, your being ridiculous. It will be fine."

"No, no. It won't!" She said and her eyes got all red and she started to cry. I just wrapped her in my arms and stroked her hair.

"It will be fine. I will come down there and be the obnoxious friend that introduces you to the world, Laura. It will be fine." But she couldn't stop freaking out. Then everyone noticed she was crying and she got all flushed and then slightly angry. I could tell the moment was over and took my hands away. She glanced at me and I could still see the panick and sadness. I'm sure she saw the same thing reflected in my eyes. Looking at everyone, hearing their plans, it made me want to cry. I am so scared of what the future holds. I am so scared that everyone will drift, I know that everyone will drift, and then I will be there. Not bereft, but sad, looking at this, and then photos and my past. It stings even to think of it now. Even knowing what to expect, it still hurts me... Leigh and Liz excused themselves cause Leigh said she had homework and Liz went with her. Then everyone began to move out and the moment was gone. I got back in the car and followed Meredith home. I suppose I was slightly marveling at the fact that everyone was driving now, instead of just two or three. And made it all the more real. We all were really growing up and out, there is no stopping the future. Suddenly, sitting here, I know what scares Laura. It's not the fear of making new friends, though that's certainly a part of it. No, what she and I are scared of is loosing our old ones. And I can't say anything except that I completely understand her tears.

"Laura, you just have to try. You have to try to accept the future and tell yourself you can do it. I know its scary. I know. Believe me. But that's the only way your going to be happy. That's the only way life is going to work. If you don't try then it won't happen. You have to try. Try to be friends with the future." I glanced at her and she was staring intently at me as I tried to make sense of my sudden passionate speech that only half made sense.

"I can't." She whispered.

"I know. But we have to try." I glanced at her and offered a small smile. "'kay?"

She nodded and then turned to look out the window.

Then I asked Laura if she wanted to talk about it, the radio buzzing slightly in the background, my eyes on the cresent moon that was hanging directly in front of us, glistening in the cold, but clear evening, the light reflecting off the frozen pools of ice and snow on the side of the roads. She just shook her head and then sighed.

"Look at the moon, Laura."

"It's very pretty."

"Yep."

"It reminds me of the moon during an eclispe."

"Yes, that's exactly what it looks like."

"Exactly."

It reminds me of a stupid old Daisy's poem that we used to sing at every meeting. The meaning of the poem itself is not stupid, just the actual words.

Make new friends, but keep the old.

One is silver and the other's gold.

Me, I personally want everyone to eat your apples, but don't forget the oranges.

The oranges...

The scent sticks with you for days, but then it fades away. Apples are always crisp and clean. A swift cut.

I hope the scent of oranges sticks with us all... as stupid as it sounds...